"Suppose you know someone, a long time ago. You share things, drink deeply of each other. Then you drift apart; life takes you in different directions; the bonds are not strong enough. Or maybe you get torn apart by external circumstance. Years later, you meet that person again... and it's round two. What's the attraction? Is this the same person? They have the same name, face, but does that make them the same? And if not does that make the things that have changed peripheral? People change, but how much? I'd believed there was an essential person, a sort of core personality around which the surface factors could change without damaging the integrity of who you were. I realized later, that I was wrong. Personality is a passing shape."

T. Kovacs

Again..another boring day at school. I've been in my room just sitting here....for hours. When someone says they are doing nothing, they dont compare to what I've been doing all day. I even stared at the ceiling for like a good 10 minutes because I was THAT bored. I dont even have the capacity to sleep right now, because im like all bleh. Im just updating this so i have something to do for the next....*counting* well how ever long im gonna make this, but then again all im gonna be doing is ranting like i am now. I'm slowly slipping into insanity and i want to SCREAM!!!!, if i had a soundproof room i would.

dont know why i put that title, i just got bored and couldnt think of anything else. I just got out of class and im just chillin out in my room. yea that sounds so exciting. lol THERE IS NOTHING ON TV.....bleh. I think that i have accepted the fact that i am emo. Dont care what ppl say....I Am Emo!!! its like im at Emos Anonymous or something its like Hello my name is Patricia.....and I'm Emo, Crowd: Hello, Patricia. *empathetic clapping* Is there such a thing as a Happy Emo? or is that WAYYY TOO Oxymoron-ish.


Nathalie's new background on myspace officially gives me seizures oh god......THE BLINKING STARS!!!!!! *convulses* lol i told her that and all she did was laugh lol. Im in the mood for some Frosted Mini Spooners yea...Mini Spooners hehe. SO FUCKIN HUNGRY!!!!! UGHHHHH!!!! so now im getting ready for the drive back home...*singing* on the road again....cant wait to get on the road again...

Issue 1:DRAMA
There is so much drama right now. Starting with my own cousin Jordan. Why he is mad at me i dont know. He likes to make up problems that he has with people. So when he decides to grow balls and tell me why the hell he is mad at me, I guess I will never know. And supposedly he gave away my ticket for Taste of Chaos away to someone else...oh well. He probably only wanted me to go because i have a car. Guess he will be taking the bus or he is gonna be mooching off of someone else and get a ride from them. Drama with friends has just cleared up. Im working on fixing friendships instead of holding animosity there. Me and Constance are friends again and we are slowly but surely progressing to what we once were: true wolf sisters.


Issue #2:Love?
Emotions suck balls. I wish i didnt have them sometimes. Yea so out of the blue my ex decides to call me this morning and he is trying to convince me that he has changed and how he is really sorry for what he did. And how he is gonna kill himself because he feels so bad about everything that happened. yea right!!!! i dont hate him but if he thinks that i am gonna go out with him again...he has another thing coming. After what he did, i didnt care anymore thats why i was surprised that he even decided to call. Right now i like someone who actually cares about me(hopefully) but right now things are confusing so i just have to wait and see what the futures holds, im not going to assume anything as of yet.

Issue 3:School
well actually this isnt really an issue. Im doing better this semester than last. I understand the work more. and im getting better grades. The work may be hard but thats what i have my friends at college for. they help me study and stuff. and plus there is always tutoring if i really start struggling.

So the days plan started off as such:
Wake up and get ready
go to Bagels Galore with Nat
chill out with Nat until we went to kennedy
take josh to the bodega quick
pick up lisa and hang out at the mall


But half way through the list.....everything started to fuck up. We went to kennedy as usual and everything was going well. I even fixed my friendship with Constance. I was tired of all the animosity between us...the story is complicated....(dont ask) well yea now me and constance are friends again. so it started getting late and josh had to go the bodega. So we went to the bodega and thats where all the trouble starts. Josh's dad starts being an asshole and everything goes downhill. Nat's mom keeps calling to tell us Lisa is calling so we can go get her. By the time we have a chance to leave and go get lisa...its too late. She already was mad at us for kinda ditching her and i dont blame her. She's been wanting to hang out with us for the longest time and then we get the opportunity and it all goes to hell. I felt so fuckin bad about that shit. i hope she accepts my apology....i dont want to fix one friendship only to lose another.Sometimes i wonder why i even bother making friends cause all i do is just manage to fuck it up somehow.....

So yea today was a pretty good day. This morning I woke up and went to Bagels Galore with Josh. I got him addicted to french toast bagels now hehe ^.^. We watched some Dane Cook at his house and then i had to go home. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful cause all I did was go on the computer and talk to people. I had no other choice my dad had to fix my car, so now im in my dorm room just chillin out getting ready to go to nathalie's house. So just thought i would just update this lmao since i never do.

This past weekend has been full of total bullshit. People like to spread fuckin rumors and shit. Some people think they "know" me, but they don't. People playing with my friend's emotions. There is a rumor that supposedly i had sex with one of my friends. Whoever heard that shit could at least have the decency to come to my face and ask me if it is true. Not spread that shit around like fuckin wildfire. And yo even i did, its none of their fuckin business what i do with my life. Some people cant accept that fact that yes i do hang out with other people besides them. When one friend is busy, i hang out with my other friends, i dont pine over one friend like they want me to. And then when i want to hang out with them, they throw attitude in my face. I just want to be friends with people, but no everytime i hang out with someone im always "Abandoning" people, or "having sex" with them according to some people. Im just tired of people's bullshit, when they dont even fuckin know me or they think they do and they need to get over themselves cause im not dealing with this shit anymore cause frankly i dont give a shit about them or the pathetic lives they lead and how they have to make themselves feel better by spreading rumors or fucking around with people's emotions.